‘Utterly betrayed’: William vs Harry rift heats up
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, 2023-01-07 19:14:53
If there is one thing that we can say about Prince Harry, the sword of “truth”-swinging Montecito Muckraker who, I’m not sure if you know this, has a book to sell, this weekend is that he really puts the “d*ck” into “royal family”.
This week we learned far, far too much about titled “todgers” thanks to accidentally-on-sale-too-early copies of Harry’s tell-all Spare. Not only does the book inform us he and brother Prince William were indeed “snipped” as babies but that when he stood by his sibling’s side in 2011 for his wedding to former part-time accessories buyer Kate he had frostbitten phallus after a charity trek across the Arctic.
Like some Wodehouseian toff he had stupidly used Elizabeth Arden cream to try and mend his mangled member, only for him to be forced to actually consult a doctor because standing and shagging were proving ever-so-uncomfortable. (Just imagine the purloined bags of frozen peas nicked from the Buckingham Palace kitchens that I’m imagining he had been carefully applying to his crown jewels).
I hope you’re having fun with all this penis punnery – dear god, I am – but look beyond the wang witticisms and what has really gone in the last 48 hours or so is actually pretty grim.
When it comes down to it, what we have witnessed in the last two days is one man totally and utterly torching his closest relationships, most notably with his father King Charles and William, aka “Willy” as we have learnt the Prince of…
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